SPARK Wellness: What is Emotional Intelligence?

Let’s talk about Emotional Intelligence, (EQ).

Not everyone has it, just like not everyone has common sense or ‘street smarts’. #CommonSenseIsNotSoCommon

Emotional Intelligence is something you have to work hard at every single day. You won’t just become more emotionally intelligent overnight.

Textbook definition of Emotional Intelligence is the ability to recognize our own emotions and those of others, and use this emotional information to guide our thinking and behaviors in the best way.

Daniel Goleman, a psychologist who helped popularize Emotional Intelligence, says there are 5 key elements involved:

  • Self-awareness: Recognizing emotions as they happen, tuning into your true feelings & learning to manage them. Controlling your impulses.
  • Self-regulation: Learning to control how long your emotions stay with you. Practising self control, taking responsibility for yourself, become adaptable to your situations.
  • Motivation: This all comes down to a positive attitude and outlook! Striving to persistently align yourself.
  • Empathy: Recognizing how other people feel, and fine tuning this skill. Reading the room and being understanding towards others. This is how you form connections.
  • Social skills: Interpersonal skills are paramount. “People skills” are the best way to be successful in life and in your career.

I would describe Emotional Intelligence as one of the most attractive things possible in another person. When someone is extremely self aware and able to process through their own emotions, they vibrate on a higher frequency and I’m fucking drawn to it. The brain itself is the sexiest thing about being human, and it is what makes us unique. When we are in control of that unique brain of ours, and not letting our crazy get untucked and flop around everywhere, that’s when we are the most beautiful.

So let’s just face it, self aware is sexy.

Now that we’ve got that out of the way … It takes some SERIOUS guts to be in touch with your emotions and operate from this vulnerable, heart centered, divinely feminine place. Simply put, emotions are scary and super unpredictable and have the power to utterly blindside us out of nowhere.

But we have to remember that our emotions are also where we hold our power. Our emotions give way to our intuition and tell us where we should be next, how we should proceed – that is, if we are willing to feel our way through them. It is our personal responsibility to own our emotions, really feel them, and let them show us what kind of power they have. We also have the ability to feel our way through our intuition, and when our feelings are heightened so is our inner knowing. [Message mostly stolen from Spirit Daughter]

Our feelings are like waves, they crash over us, and then they recede. When we are self aware we have the ability to sit on the shore and experience the waves from a distance. We still get to witness the magnitude of them, hear their sounds, and feel their spray, but we have control from a distance and can see more perspective on the situation. This allows us to process those the waves and better react to the magnitude of each rise and fall.

What are some ways you can learn to be more Emotionally Intelligent?

  • Take extra time to connect with your body

    Some of the best ways to be more in touch with yourself is through physical motion. Do more meditation, or yoga, or even running – which I personally find to be an incredibly therapeutic time to work through how I am feeling. Spend more time alone time, start journaling, or working through your thoughts. Self care is not selfish, it is necessary for growth and achieving higher awareness. Plus it’s rock solid for overall well being! Excuses don’t work here, we are all busy, but you have to prioritize and make time for what is most important – YOU.

  • Practise staying present

    I know, easier said than done right? I know just as well as anyone how it feels to get caught up in a moment, to feel suddenly boiled over or rushed with excitement. The best thing to do here is to breathe in and breathe out. Pause. Think about what is happening, how you are feeling in this moment, and what is causing you to feel that way. What are your triggers? What is happening around you and who is there? Then, react accordingly. Don’t let things get suppressed or avoided, that is how they explode in the end. When we are reacting we have to find ways to stick to what is happening in the now and not think about what could happen in the future (anxiety), or what might have happened in the past (depression). There is only now.

  • Communicate! A little goes a long way

    Are you too busy? Okay then say it. Are you upset about something? Let’s talk about it. Is there something you just don’t want to do anymore? Be straightforward about it. It’s all so simple, and it’s so important, but yet it’s so hard for a lot of people to do. Everyone tiptoes, around themselves and others, and in turn no one really knows what the hell is going on anymore. One of the worst things we can ever do to ourselves and others is to not just say how we feel and speak what’s on our mind. Our thoughts are what make us feel alive. Spend more time practising honest and open communication with those close to you, you’ll be surprised how a little really does go a long way.

  • Seek out new self help tools to guide you

    Use your resources! Reading self help books, talking to a therapist, having counseling sessions with friends, all of these things are there for us to help guide us. We don’t have to be afraid to use our resources! Self help doesn’t have to be taboo. Self help isn’t something to be shameful about, it’s something to embrace! It doesn’t matter what it is you use to help you, it can be anything, even faith! One of the first things that taught me how to be more self aware, and how to look in my own mirror, was Astrology. Use what works best for you. AND FULLY CHANNEL IT. At any one given time I’m using all these various forms of self help: Instagram accounts, blogs, articles, astrology, human design, spiritual books, podcasts, friends, youtube videos, family, exercise, yoga, and so on … I hope you get the picture!

  • Other mindful things highly emotionally intelligent people do:

    • Be authentic, stick to your values above everything else.
    • Benefit from criticism, this is your chance to learn and grow!
    • Apologize when it’s necessary, value your relationships more than your ego.
    • Let go of what doesn’t serve you anymore, which also means forgiving and forgetting.
    • Don’t emotionally sabotage yourself, stop negative thinking patterns dead in their tracks.

Like anything else in the department of self, these are all tools that have to be continuously sharpened. Every day we have to consciously choose how we want to experience our feelings, and work hard to get better at it.

There are no bad emotions. You may have emotions that other people can’t handle within themselves, but that doesn’t make what you are feeling wrong. (Unless of course you project your feelings aggressively at other people … that on the other hand, is NOT okay.) Everyone has to do the work within themselves to be more emotionally intelligent.

Life isn’t meant be lived stagnantly. We should always want to find more ways to better ourselves, and in turn better our relationships with others. There is always more work that can be done, but the way I see it it’s always worth it in the end. I want to strive to always continuously grow and learn new things about life, myself, and how I interact on this energetic plane we call the Universe.

I don’t think there are many better feelings than realizing that you no longer live in the same realm you used to. Growth is fucking beautiful. ❤

Remember:

In this life, you get back what you put out. If you want to hide in a bubble, then you will surely remain in that fucking bubble. You want to level up and vibrate higher, then a shit-ton of higher vibrational things will automatically be drawn back to you. You decide.

“The Law of Attraction is all about vibration. Everything is vibrational, your thoughts, your ideas, every being. You will draw to you whatever vibration matches yours, wanted or unwanted.”

~~~~~~~

For more reviews, content, and other adventures, be sure to follow me on Instagram at Spark Fire Swan.

xoxo

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